It's the same old problem, over and over again; complaining to our mothers about boys who don't deserve us or talking to our girlfriends about why that guy isn't texting us back. It's our mothers asking us in concerned voices what do we see in him anyway to the calm, soothing tone of our girlfriends saying that he'll come around. But after the voices of our loved ones fade away, the ones in our head appear. Our right side of our brain battles our left side till the end, or at least until we experience another painful heartbreak by making the same mistakes.
There is always someone in our lives we wish would change. Whether it's to drink less or exercise more, there is going to be something that someone needs to change in their lives. Upon, reading the book
"You Are A Badass" by Jen Sincero, I began asking myself,
do people really change? I've come to some harsh, yet crucial conclusions that I figured others needed to hear as well.
Humans Are Not a Light Switch
Inevitably, we are going to have bad days. We will have days where it feels like the world is against us and other days where the world is beside us. Having a bad day doesn't exempt you from having bad behavior. A person cannot be turned on one day and off the next. Someone cannot say they are going to change one day but go right back to doing the same thing they were before the next. Our behavior is constant and our attitudes and beliefs are constant. However, if you chose to think of a person as a light switch, consider this: no matter how long you leave the lights on, the bulbs will go out eventually. The person who is trying to change will break if they are under constant pressure from you about how much they
need to change. Then you'll be left wondering why you didn't change it sooner.
Maybe People Can Change, but It Won't & Shouldn't Be For You
We all know that couple who breaks up and gets back together again a thousand times. "He says he's going to change his ways and become better for me" your best friend will say. So, you mean someone is going to automatically change the things you hate about them into things that make YOU happy? That's quite the commitment. However, what does the person you want to change gain from only making you happy? Nothing. People do not need to change for other people. People need to change for
themselves. Remember, you are the one starring at yourself in the mirror everyday. You are the one living your life. Your willingness to get out of bed in the mornings needs to be because you want to better yourself everyday, not to please someone else who cannot accept you for the person that you already are.
Someone is Meant to Love That Person As They Are. It Just Won't Be You.
Often times, we build up how great someone is in our head. How they could do no wrong, how no matter how many times they ignore our calls and texts, they are still the fabulous person we think they are. Even after this same person has hurt us countless times, we still hold them to a higher standard than anyone else. I can recall numerous occasions that I've complained to my mother about someone in particular. She silenced my complaints with the simple questions, "What do you see in this person anyways? What long-lasting qualities do they have?" Her questions puzzled me but made me realize that I could not answer them honestly. Just because someone isn't perfect for you doesn't mean that they aren't perfect for someone else. The qualities that don't appeal to you may appeal to someone else. It's okay to realize that we aren't capable of loving everyone and not everyone is capable of loving us. Also, don't think that the person who is perfect for you will never come. Some say that what's meant for you will never pass you by.
Change Usually Evolves From Gut-Wrenching Experiences
I can remember the times in my life where I've experienced dramatic change better than I can recall what I ate for breakfast yesterday. That's because it
changed me and well, my breakfast probably just made me bloated. Anyways, I've never met someone who's road for change and happiness was all flat with no bumps in it. Some roads go over mountains and some are just curvy. Unfortunately, some people will have to hit rock-bottom before they completely change their lifestyle. Not everyone will face something terrible for them to change, but usually the experiences that are the hardest transform you the most. I have learned more when I had nothing than when I had everything. I've never appreciated my life more than when I saw it in ashes versus when it was pieced perfectly together in a white dollhouse.
All in all, do people
really change? Eh, I'm no psychologist, but they might after self-accessing and reaching that conclusion themselves. The bottom line is that, if you're waiting for someone to change, you're going to be waiting for a
long time. You need to stop waiting. You need to let go of the person you thought they were and realize the person who is right in front of you. The kind of glorified change I'm talking about does not happen in a day or over drinks. It happens with the willingness to want to change to better yourself, your life, and your health. If we spent less time accessing the change that needs to occur in our people's lives instead of our own, that energy could be used to be more productive in our jobs, being nicer to our parents, and being a better friend.
"People often show their true selves early on, if you're paying attention." - me
